Post 3: What I learned

       I can honestly say that I have learned more in this class than I have in the past couple years. What I mean by that is that I have taken so much away from this class. More than I have in the past 2 years of classes combined.

       I have learned different tools and concepts throughout the course of the semester to last me a life time. It has taught me so much about myself and how I handle conflict.

       Using I Statements and the S-TLC system while handling conflict is what has stuck with me most. It has taught me to take a breath, think about what is going on and how to communicate the conflict that I am being faced with. I used to just blow out with anger but that has changed for obvious reasons. I have grown so much as a person and I am so thankful for the opportunity to have taken this class.

Post 2: Class Summary

        I have thoroughly enjoyed this whole semester. It would be really hard to pin point what I liked most since I’ve liked just about all that I have learned in this class. I feel like this class has been a class that has changed me for the better and for the first time, have actually changed my outlook on life.

       I liked a lot of things about this class. The material is definitely the best thing. I loved learning about conflict resolution and all the ways to help make conflicts easier to deal with. This was my first online class that I’ve ever taken and I have to say I liked the convenience that this class gave us. Since I work full time, it is nice to be able to read and do homework whenever is convenient for me! As far as what I haven't liked, I really don't have anything to say about that!!

       I would 100% recommend this class to anyone in Communication Studies. I feel like I have grown a lot as a person and would love giving anyone else the opportunity to do the same.

Chapter 16: Post 1: Negative View on Conflict

I think the reason why people view conflict negatively is quite simple. They fear it, simply because they have no idea how to go about handling it. I think the people that do not know how to handle conflict try to avoid it as much as they can because they think negatively about it. While growing up, we were always taught that conflict was a bad thing, which I personally think is false. It is an opportunity to make a situation better.

            I 100% think that if people were taught more about how to handle conflict, they would not avoid it, or better yet fear it! The book says it quite perfectly, “Unfortunately, too many conflicts turn sour because the conflicting parties do not take the time and effort to find a more mutually satisfying resolution.” I think that what this quote is saying is that if people were taught tools/concepts what I have learned in this class, (i.e. conflict resolution, compromise, The S-TLC system initiation and much more), people would be much more successful in conflict resolution. Learning about these simple yet extremely helpful concepts has taught me personally so much about conflict resolution in the past four months than I have learned my whole entire life!

Chapter 12: Post 3: A little bit of everything!

As I went back to review Chapter 12 for this particular question, I couldn’t pin-point a certain concept that stuck out to me over another.  I feel as if I was able to relate to most of the chapter and took equally from each of the concepts / theories.
  I thought that reading about the Psychodynamic Theory was quite interesting. The book illustrates a short narrative of this theory. It was about a woman who before leaving on an extended trip, tends to get into overblown arguments with her husband. However, since she was aware of this, she was able to avoid the conflict with her husband which then rolled onto a member in her housing community. She had an overblown conversation about something ridiculous and felt extremely embarrassed after it all.
I’ve never really heard or experienced such a thing and was shocked when I read about this certain theory. It was really interesting to read about all of the different theories and to see which ones you match up to, and what you could improve on!

Chapter 12: Post 2: False/Accurate Attributes

I think that everyone has made false attributions at least once in their lives. I feel as if when people do make false attributes, the conflict tends to worsen more than it should. My previous relationship was not a healthy relationship at all. I could remember a couple false attributions that I made that totally made things worse in our relationship. It was more of a he-said-she-said situation where I should have just asked, instead of assuming. I’ve learned after that, that I should go straight to the source and not to make up stories up in my head and accuse someone of doing something.
There have also been times when I did make accurate attributions. There was a time when I applied for 2 jobs at the same time thinking one wouldn’t work out. I ended up being offered both jobs! I then made an accurate attribute as to what job I would enjoy more and be happier at rather than looking at it as just a monetary situation. I ended up picking accurately and stayed with the company for 5 years!

Chapter 10: Post 1:Google Search

Forgiveness:
After doing a search for forgiveness, I found the definition of course! Some Biblical sites that provide help on how to forgive, different articles on forgiving, as well as a campaign. I assumed these would be the sites that I would find since you do seek help from others in order to forgive and in the Bible, it teaches you to forgive and forget.


Reconciliation:
Searching for reconciliation brought up sites that were a bit different than forgiveness. It obviously brought up the definition, but also brought up a bunch of Catholic sites. 


Revenge:  
Searching Revenge brought up a bunch of sites under the TV show ‘Revenge’ on ABC. I did not expect that at all. To me, this just goes to show that obviously entertainment is more important to society than helping people who are thinking about revenge!
While searching these three words, there was no word that came up more than the other. 

Post 3: Learning to Forgive

In my previous post I talked about a situation that had happened with my cousin about a year ago where I completely lost her trust and found it extremely hard to forgive her. After a while I was able to forgive her but was never able to completely get it out of my system. One concept that I found very interesting was ‘Learning to Forgive’. In the book it says that a lot of people “…forgive, but at a distance. They let go of their need to revenge but do not choose to put themselves in a position where the other can hurt them again.”  This is exactly what has happened in my situation. I was able to forgive, but at a distance. Since the incident, I never gave her an opportunity where she would lose my trust once again. Although I wasn’t looking for revenge, I still forgave at a distance. 

Post 2: Chapter 10: Forgiveness

About a year ago, I was going through a really hard time in my life. It was a very personal issue and I only told a couple of people that I was extremely close to, my younger cousin being one of them. Even though my cousin and I are 4 years apart, she and I were inseparable. We knew each other’s deepest darkest secrets and were always there for each other. Well, I thought so anyway! When I was going through this time there was a certain day where I needed her more than ever. She knew what I was going through and told me she could not make it because she had an eyebrow appointment that she couldn’t miss. That hurt me more than ever. I was shocked and didn’t know how to handle the situation. It has been really difficult to put it behind me but I know that we are family and that being a woman of God, I know that the right thing to do is forgive and forget although it’s easier said than done. I have forgiven her, but there is a piece inside me that still hurts because of what she did. 

Chapter 9: Post 1: Facebook

I tend to keep my Facebook very clean with minimal information as possible. I am pretty selective with information I show on Facebook as well as uploading my own status, checking in to places etc. When people look at my profile they could tell that I am very family oriented, like sports and are religious. There have been times when people have placed profanity on my wall. I wish they hadn’t done that because my wall is a reflection of me and who I am as well as who I associate with. When that has happened, I asked them to stop and would delete their post! I think that posting things on Facebook or having certain things on your profile can totally create conflict in communication. People tend to miscommunicate things whether it is in an email, on your social profile or on text. Another way is posting a certain status on your profile about anything, and if someone does not agree with you, they will let it be known and conflict is most likely to arise. 

Chapter 8: Post 3: Responding to Another's Anger

The concept that most stuck out to me was ‘Responding to Another’s Anger’ in Chapter 8. Like I’ve said before, I am one to usually blow up when in a conflict after holding my emotions in for so long. But, there are times where I am on the other side too. It takes a lot to make my dad upset, but when he is upset he gets extremely angry. (Maybe that’s where I get it from :) ). A couple weeks ago we got into a little tiff about some misunderstanding that we had. He was extremely upset and started yelling. I sat there calmly while letting him get out all of his anger then explained to him that I am an adult and that to get through to me, he does not need to yell. I can honestly say that since that moment, things have been different for the both of us.

I took away a lot from that situation and from reading chapter 8 and this specific concept it has confirmed that yelling in an argument is no way to go. Two people yelling just makes matters worse because it ends up being a ‘who can yell louder’ game and makes you more upset and you just feed of off one another.  

Chapter 8: Post 2: Expressing Anger

I think that I have always been a person who blows up during conflict. I’m the type of person who will let something slide and bite my tongue but when I can’t take it anymore, I get overwhelmed with emotions to the point where I can’t control my anger and just blow up. However, I have learned recently that I need to handle things differently. Lately I have approached conflict a little better than before. I am actually thinking before speaking as well as listening to the other party.

The outcome of expressing your anger by blowing well normally makes the situation worse. You are full of emotions and typically say things you don’t mean which hurt the other party and they end up doing the same. I’ve found it very beneficial to calm down and think about the conflict before speaking. It tends to work the best and although it takes time, I am heading in that direction. 

Chapter 7: Post 1: 3 Solutions

I’ve always been a believer of doing what you love. That is why I do love what I do in my work situation. Even though there are. Have you heard of the saying “work hard, play harder”? I believe that this saying has a lot to do with the 3 solutions that we have learned this chapter.

I think that I could apply solution 1 to my everyday life.  If I designated ‘play time’ out of my week such as going out to dinner with my girlfriends or doing something I love doing, I would be a lot happier when going to school and work. I think that people are so busy with their everyday life they forget to designate some time to themselves. As for solution 2, I think that I can find joy in going to work or school. Looking at school/work as a game or some sort of play time could definitely change the way I look at going to school and work. 

Chapter 6: Post 3: Defensive Behavior

Chapter 6 made me think a lot about how significant it is to have a balanced relationship. However, if I had to choose one specific topic, I think that The Threat of Defensive Behavior was the most valuable to me in this chapter. When someone is speaking to me about something that I did wrong or that has bothered them, I usually get defensive and feel as if they’re attacking me. On page 115 it says “…listen to the expression of others and cooperate in the process of achieving an understanding…” This has definitely put a lot in perspective for me. In often times people bring up issues because they care about you and so they can be solved. If I actually put energy in taking the time to listen to what they have to say rather than getting all defensive, we can come to a mutual understating about the situation at hand. 

Chapter 6: Post 2: Power Relationships

Being in a relationship where it is unbalanced is extremely unhealthy for both parties. I have been in an unbalanced relationship and let me tell you, it is not fun! It is a constant battle and really takes affects your mood, your outlook on things as well as your entire life. No matter how hard you try to make things work, it doesn’t happen.
            I have been in a relationship where I was the one to have more power and have had less power. I did not feel right in either relationship. In the relationship where I had the power, I always had to make the decisions and felt like my boyfriend just said whatever to please me and make me happy. I did not like because I like when people speak their opinion and do what they want/feel. I did not like being with someone who had more power than me either because I felt like someone was always speaking for me and did what they thought was best for me. 

Chapter 6: Post 1: Trust

I think everyone has lost trust in someone at some point in their life. Trust is extremely hard to come by these days and when you have it you should hold on to it tightly!

Growing up, when it came to dating, my parents were extremely strict. When I was in high school I dated a guy without my parents knowing. My parents found out about a year into the relationship and asked me to end things. I said I would but never did. A couple of months later they found out that I never ended the relationship and our relationship as parent and daughter changed drastically. Every time I left my house I had to answer 30 questions before I could step outside the door.  I had to gain their trust back somehow and knew the only way I could do that was to be 100% honest from then on. It took a lot of time but I learned a lifelong lesson that I will never forget. 

Chapter 4: Post 3: Thinking about Conflict

I really enjoyed this chapter and learned a lot about how to handle conflict in my own personal life. What really stood out to me was the context on 'Thinking about the Conflict. I think it goes hand with the saying, "Think before you speak". As humans it is human nature to act out of anger even when we know that it is not the right thing to do.  If we just took 5 minutes to think to ourselves about the problem at hand and then the outcome of the conflict would come out completely different than if we acted out of anger.  

Recently, I was faced with a he-said-she-said scenario. I was extremely upset when I heard of this but knew that I should think about how to handle the situation before bringing it to my friend’s attention. Now, in the past I made assumptions and would believe what I heard and I knew that I should always give the other party the benefit of the doubt, so I did just that. After having time to think about the issue, I approached the issue in a very calm manner and had a very calm discussion about what I had heard and what had really happened. the conversation went as I expected and everything turned out to be a huge misunderstanding. 

I think that with any issue or problem that we are faced with from here on out it makes all the difference in the world to take 5 minutes to stop and think before speaking.

Chapter 4: Post 2

I think the answer to the question depends on the person you are talking to, what they’re talking about and if it’s an actual conversation or you’re being talked at. For the most part, my mind tends to wander when people are speaking to me. I always seem to have a lot on my mind and it always happens to pop up when someone is speaking to me. I always unintentionally seem to tune them out and think about the hundreds of things running through my mind. However, like I’ve said before, it varies on who is speaking and what the conversation is about.

For example, if I am in class and the teacher is lecturing on a topic that I don’t find interesting, I tend to go off in my own world and think about things that have been on my mind that day. However, I have come to find out that if I take notes on the lecture then I focus more on what is being said so I take good notes. It obviously if you’re in a deep conversation on something that is interesting to you or something that is bothering you, you are automatically into the conversation and are giving the other party your undivided attention. 

Chapter 4: Post 1

I wouldn’t say that it is very hard for me to stop the conflict. However, it depends on the situation. When I am faced with an issue, I usually take time to myself to take a deep breathe, calm down, and collect my thoughts so I am not speaking out of anger. I’ve learned this throughout passed experiences that I’ve had. I used to blow up right away if approached with a conflict and would always regret what I said because I was speaking merely out of anger. This was brought to my attention by a close friend of mine and I realized right away that I needed to change. I would definitely recommend taking a deep breathe, remaining calm and collecting your thoughts before proceeding with an argument. And if you need to tell the other party that you need to walk away to do so, then you should!

About me!

Hello everyone, 


My name is Dana and this is my first semester here at SJSU! I already have my AA in Merchandise Marketing from FIDM in San Francisco but was determined to get my BA in Communications! When I'm not at school I work at my parents restaurant and have an internship starting up pretty soon in event planning, so I'm excited for that. I am really excited to take this class and to see how I can use it to my advantage in my personal and work scenarious!


Tata for now!