Chapter 8: Post 3: Responding to Another's Anger

The concept that most stuck out to me was ‘Responding to Another’s Anger’ in Chapter 8. Like I’ve said before, I am one to usually blow up when in a conflict after holding my emotions in for so long. But, there are times where I am on the other side too. It takes a lot to make my dad upset, but when he is upset he gets extremely angry. (Maybe that’s where I get it from :) ). A couple weeks ago we got into a little tiff about some misunderstanding that we had. He was extremely upset and started yelling. I sat there calmly while letting him get out all of his anger then explained to him that I am an adult and that to get through to me, he does not need to yell. I can honestly say that since that moment, things have been different for the both of us.

I took away a lot from that situation and from reading chapter 8 and this specific concept it has confirmed that yelling in an argument is no way to go. Two people yelling just makes matters worse because it ends up being a ‘who can yell louder’ game and makes you more upset and you just feed of off one another.  

Chapter 8: Post 2: Expressing Anger

I think that I have always been a person who blows up during conflict. I’m the type of person who will let something slide and bite my tongue but when I can’t take it anymore, I get overwhelmed with emotions to the point where I can’t control my anger and just blow up. However, I have learned recently that I need to handle things differently. Lately I have approached conflict a little better than before. I am actually thinking before speaking as well as listening to the other party.

The outcome of expressing your anger by blowing well normally makes the situation worse. You are full of emotions and typically say things you don’t mean which hurt the other party and they end up doing the same. I’ve found it very beneficial to calm down and think about the conflict before speaking. It tends to work the best and although it takes time, I am heading in that direction. 

Chapter 7: Post 1: 3 Solutions

I’ve always been a believer of doing what you love. That is why I do love what I do in my work situation. Even though there are. Have you heard of the saying “work hard, play harder”? I believe that this saying has a lot to do with the 3 solutions that we have learned this chapter.

I think that I could apply solution 1 to my everyday life.  If I designated ‘play time’ out of my week such as going out to dinner with my girlfriends or doing something I love doing, I would be a lot happier when going to school and work. I think that people are so busy with their everyday life they forget to designate some time to themselves. As for solution 2, I think that I can find joy in going to work or school. Looking at school/work as a game or some sort of play time could definitely change the way I look at going to school and work. 

Chapter 6: Post 3: Defensive Behavior

Chapter 6 made me think a lot about how significant it is to have a balanced relationship. However, if I had to choose one specific topic, I think that The Threat of Defensive Behavior was the most valuable to me in this chapter. When someone is speaking to me about something that I did wrong or that has bothered them, I usually get defensive and feel as if they’re attacking me. On page 115 it says “…listen to the expression of others and cooperate in the process of achieving an understanding…” This has definitely put a lot in perspective for me. In often times people bring up issues because they care about you and so they can be solved. If I actually put energy in taking the time to listen to what they have to say rather than getting all defensive, we can come to a mutual understating about the situation at hand. 

Chapter 6: Post 2: Power Relationships

Being in a relationship where it is unbalanced is extremely unhealthy for both parties. I have been in an unbalanced relationship and let me tell you, it is not fun! It is a constant battle and really takes affects your mood, your outlook on things as well as your entire life. No matter how hard you try to make things work, it doesn’t happen.
            I have been in a relationship where I was the one to have more power and have had less power. I did not feel right in either relationship. In the relationship where I had the power, I always had to make the decisions and felt like my boyfriend just said whatever to please me and make me happy. I did not like because I like when people speak their opinion and do what they want/feel. I did not like being with someone who had more power than me either because I felt like someone was always speaking for me and did what they thought was best for me. 

Chapter 6: Post 1: Trust

I think everyone has lost trust in someone at some point in their life. Trust is extremely hard to come by these days and when you have it you should hold on to it tightly!

Growing up, when it came to dating, my parents were extremely strict. When I was in high school I dated a guy without my parents knowing. My parents found out about a year into the relationship and asked me to end things. I said I would but never did. A couple of months later they found out that I never ended the relationship and our relationship as parent and daughter changed drastically. Every time I left my house I had to answer 30 questions before I could step outside the door.  I had to gain their trust back somehow and knew the only way I could do that was to be 100% honest from then on. It took a lot of time but I learned a lifelong lesson that I will never forget.